Tuesday, July 03, 2007

A pointless tale

The moon had not yet risen and the distant vapid chatter of Café Coffee Day wafted in the air. A group of old ladies huddled around a pet dog who was finding it difficult to pee because of the peer pressure. He went ahead anyway, for every canine will do his pee.
“Gimme your hand”, said Rudder to Mandy.
“Um…er…shouldn’t you ask first?” Mandy looked suitably stricken.
“hmm…phew…wheez..give me the hand anyway.” Damn, thought Rudder, what the fuck am I doing?
But the hand came, and the ring was gently-hopefully- pushed up the little finger.
“Mandy, will you marry me?” asked Rudder.
“Its small,” said Mandy. Damn, she thought, keep your fool mouth shut.
“Shit, really? Let’s go to the shop,” said Rudder, wondering, is her little finger thicker than mine?
The dog barked a couple of times, and Mandy said yes. Someone in Café Coffee Day laughed loudly.
Oh my GOD! Thought Mandy. Who do I tell?
“Um…let’s have dinner,” said Rudder

xxxxx

And now it was time to tell. They got to Rudder’s house. The ground floor door was open. Sandeep was sitting devouring a packet of sweets. Rudder decided to be cool and let Mandy do the squirming.
“Sandeep, we’re getting married!!!” squealed Mandy.
“Fuck really?” Sandeep asked between mouthfuls.
Mandy showed him the ring.
“Nice, lo, mu meetha karo.” The packet of sweets was brandished. “On second thoughts, I’ll do mu meetha for everyone’s sake.” More gobbling.
Rudder was being cool, grinning mysteriously. Nobody fell for it.
Brudder came down the stairs, mumbling something in his usual unintelligible way.
Rudder was still being cool.
Mandy, brandishing the (small) ring, “guess who’s getting married?”
Brudder blubbered, mumbled, smiled weakly and half raised his hands in surprise. Rudder kept cool, and glared. Mandy simpered happily.
“Ok don’t say a word. I’m dying of embarrassment,” said Mandy and shut the door on the mumbling Brudder.

xxxx

Driving back, Mandy called Prachi. “I’m under your house. Come down quick, I’ve got to show you something. Quick quick quick!”
Prachi sleepily, “what is it?”
“Uff, come down!”
Prachi wandered down, looking sleepy and grumpy. “Why did you have to call me down?”
Mandy’s words weren’t heard due to a passing car horn. Later there were squealings.

xxxx

“Beq, I’m under your house, come down! I’ve got to show you something.”
Beq was trying to hold down a ferocious jet of water which had half inundated his kitchen, even as his landlord was calmly brandishing a wrench at it.
“You’ll have to come up, I’m drowning in a flood…aargh.” The water escaped his ministrations and gargled into his mouth. Mandy heard the wheezing, and came up and showed him the ring, grinning like an insane marionette.
Wet Beq, “Fuck, really, hang on.”
The landlord worked his magic with the wrench and politely refused to use a black towel that Beq was trying to swathe him with.
The rest of it was an anticlimax. There was a good deal of smirking. But who cared? Rings were in the air.
A pale gibbous moon rose outside. Mandy began to change…

7 comments:

Anonymous said...

and when i call mandy for the all important lunch date (sorry, rudraniel, we never talked to you about our relationship)... and after mandy shot down my lunch proposal (after all, she's got the ring now) she says sweetly, "you know what... I am getting married (yes we both squealed)...i am engaged... don't tell anyone (basically means i will come and shout in the office myself)... i'll come to work and show you my ring (that's blocking my blood circulation)..." ME says, "wow! this is huge... but what about me? our lunch date? ..." SHE says, "well, we can have coffee together...."

Anonymous said...

ha ha ha.. lend me some of your funny people... a landlord is something i miss.. how hot or not is he?

Beq said...

Vanita, welcome to the club. I've been enduring this for over 2 years.

Jyoti, grow your own. They aren't actually funny

Anonymous said...

firstly, apologies to Vanita, and most definitely to Beq - I know how unsocial I have been!! But here's the point - I must say that your account of the whole hoopa-galoopa is most brilliantly faithful - including what people were thinking - you are quite the mind reader!!
p.s - I hate how everything now gets onto a public space before you can blink!!

Sue said...

That is so funny. I can imagine Rudder doing his thing. :D

Did you remember to congratulate Mandy (and Rudder) from me?

Beq said...

What do you mean "doing his thing"? :) Yes I did

Sue said...

Proposing of course... could I possibly mean anything else now? :D